Buy That Kid an Ice Cream Cone

Oscar slept a whopping 11 hrs last night--first time ever--in preparation for our big day at the courthouse to fix our property tax situation. He woke up at 6 a.m. for breakfast and was back asleep by 6:30 a.m. until 10:30 this morning!!! I decided to sleep in also. Who knows when I'll be able to sleep in again? Might as well take advantage, right?

(Here is a short video of Oscar waking up this morning):



So, by the time we get to the courthouse we're just in time for the lunch hour rush. The property tax billing statement I received states: "Customer Service line wait times increase during lunch periods and during the last week of December." Imagine my surprise when we arrive and find only 1 person working the cashier line. I notice 3 other lines in addition to the Cashier line--each with only one person in charge. However, only 2 lines (of the 4 lines) are labeled. One has a sign reading "Cashier"--where I was waiting--and the other reads "Assessment." This guy gets in line behind me in the Cashier line, after just leaving one of the unmarked lines, and I turn to him and ask, "what's that unmarked line for?" He replies, "oh, that's the line you get in if you never received a bill." I say, "well, i received a bill, but it's incorrect," and he suggests i go over to the unmarked line.

So, Oscar and I are now waiting in the unmarked line and when we get to the front, the woman informs me that they have no record of David's Mazda in their system. I show her the "declaration page" that I filed with the city in 2006 when we purchased the car. She tells me they have no record of the declaration being filed and tells me I need to go wait in the assessment line.

So, Oscar and I are now waiting in the assessment line. Oscar is getting squirmy in his stroller. It's really hot and stuffy and everyone around me is angry. One guy yells out "Jesus Christ! Now I have to get in this line?!" Oscar senses the tension and starts to whimper. I break out his lullaby gloworm. Thank you, Playskool. Lullaby Gloworm works like a charm for about 15 minutes. Just enough time for me to get to the front of the assessment line.

As soon as I get to the front, Oscar starts crying. So, I pull him out of the stroller. I have him in one arm and my paperwork in the other. I quietly remind Oscar that crying is not one of the strategic approaches we practiced. Oscar pulls it together and puts on his adorable face. I try to look adorable also. Luckily the guy working the line feels sorry for me. He informs me that my 2006 declaration didn't go through because there's no such thing as a Mazda 5 door--according to their computer system. (That's funny, I think, then what car exactly am I paying off for the next 4 years)? I show him the dealership paperwork verifying that we do, indeed, own a Mazda 5 door hatchback. He has to make some phone calls and we wait. He apologizes and tells me that the system has now been corrected and my car is no longer make-believe, but I have get back in the unmarked line--from which I just came--to received an updated bill.

So, I'm back in unmarked territory. I wait another 15 minutes with Oscar over my shoulder. Poor guy is sweating. I'm blowing down the back of his neck trying to cool him off. The unmarked line lady gives me the new bill and sends me, you guessed it, back over to the cashier line. I wait there for another 15 minutes. At this point, all plans of "taking down the system" and righting the wrong that was done to us have been abandoned. It's been more than an hour and I want to get the heck outta dodge.

My arms are starting to shake. I'm navigating a stroller with a severely overpacked diaper bag with one arm and I've got 12lb adorable Oscar on my other arm. I manage to slap my Visa card down on the counter, to cover my $460 corrected bill, and the cashier says, "Oh, we only take Discover." Are you kidding me? (I think to myself). In what kind of backwards land is only Discover accepted? Isn't it usually the other way around? So I calmly say, "I paid my Honda tax online with my Visa," and she explains that even though you can use any credit card on their website, Discover is the only credit card accepted in the actual courthouse, where corrected bills are paid.

I plop Oscar back in his stroller. He's not happy. I proceed to write a check while my go-go-gadget leg is rocking the stroller back and forth to soothe Oscar. Before leaving I say, "I'd like to be excluded from the Top 50 Delinquent list please, seeing as this mistake was not my fault and I still have to pay a late fine." The lady asks, "The Top 50 What?" I show her the clause on the back of the bill that explains the list. She says, "That must be new, I never heard of that." I sigh and walk away. I'd love to hightail it outta there, but Oscar is hungry. He's been such a champ and we have a 30-minute drive home. I'd love to buy him an ice cream cone, but at 4 months old, he'll have to settle for some cold breast milk. We sit down on the nearest bench and I feed him his bottle.

The woman next to me admires Oscar. She seems friendly. A well-dressed man comes over to her and she says to him, "I'm scared, do you think we can go for alcohol treatment or a rehabilitation program?" The well-dressed man says, "That's exactly what we're going for, " and they proceed into the nearest courtroom. Just then a female officer walks by carrying shackles and handcuffs and they are jingle-jangling loudly. The male security guy working the metal detector says to her, "I know I said you could come over later, but whooo-wheee!" and whistles. Then 3 teenage guys walk by and one says to the other, "Just tell them it wasn't YOUR gun." (I'm not exaggerating, this all really did happen). I quickly burp Oscar and we're happily (and safely) on our way.

I tell Oscar we were victorious, even though I'm not even sure I'd call today a success. I'm just glad our bill is paid and we're hopefully not delinquents. And here's a shout-out to my friend, Jennifer, aka "Snuggs," who had to take on Platte and Jackson Counties today with a similar property tax-related dilemma. I hope YOU were victorious!

(Here is a picture of victorious-feeling Oscar):